SURFIN' CHILI: THE PHANTOM MENACE

© 1999 Surfin' Chili

(Star Wars music playing in background)

Narrator: The following preview has been rated G for goofy.

Every generation has a legend. Every journey has a first step. Every saga has a beginning. Coming soon to a chili cookoff near you, "Phantom Dragonfly: Star Wars Episode 2A.4".

In a galaxy-sized budget far, far away...

Narrator: A strong uprising had occurred, which was very evil. After seeing the power of the dark blue dress (well, except for a few spots...), Emperor Clinton has turned away from the peaceful, cooperative international space program. Instead, he has thrown in his lot with the forces attempting to build the even more powerful space station -- the Death Mir. Successful launch of the Death Mir will drain the monetary life force from ISS, and cripple the hopes of thousands of US aerospace contractors, everywhere.

Scene 1

Emperor Clinton: Soon all the monetary funds will be ours. Darth Gore... how close are we to getting Senator Bunsenburner, Chairman of the Committee on Science, to the dark blue side?

Darth Gore: Emperor, with your threat of cancelling the Wisconsin subsidized cheese distribution program, he has fallen into our laps. [Both make evil laugh]. Even as we speak, Bunsenburner is trying to convince Princess Monica Layme to sign a treaty giving us all that we want. And, as of now, the new internet satellite "Triana", which allows users to see the earth at any given moment, is already draining the ISS funds at a tremendous rate.

Scene 2

Narrator: Movie critic, Pat McGroin, has given this movie three thumbs up. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss eight bucks goodbye. Watch as the evil Senator tries to get his clutches on the woman with the stained dress...

Sen. Bunsenburner: Sign the treaty Princess Monica Layme...

Princess Layme: Senator, I will sign no treaty until it's time.

Sen Bunsenburner. Do it, Princess Layme, Do me!

Princess Layme: I'm sorry, but that's not one of my contract deliverables.

Scene 3

Narrator: Shep Spacewalker, a young Jedi of the ISS, follows the aged hero John Glenn Solo and his ship the Freedom 7 Falcon, where they seek the advice of Jedi master Yo-Gene Da-Kranz.

Shep: Yo-Gene Da-Kranz, we need to get Princess Monica Layme away from the Senator before he forces her to treat him...I mean...forces her to sign the treaty. If we fail, the budget will be diverted to build the Death Mir, the Congress will attempt to do the redesign themselves, and the engineers who labor on the slave moon of "End-our lives-please" will give up all hope. The horrible slavemaster VPP has already driven them unto the brink of despair. What must we do?

Yo-Gene: OooOhh An option, failure is not...!

Solo: Come on you old muppet, give us some real advice.

Yo-Gene: Oooh you must read my book that's coming out this year. It's not easy being green...

Shep: (Kicks Yoda into orbit). Let's go, Glenn-Solo, and get Princess Layme.

Solo: OK, but I need to make a stop on the world of Viagra, first.

Scene 4

Narrator: See the ragtag Freedom 7 Falcon race back D.C. to save Princess Layme. (cast member races around with shuttle model) Meanwhile, you'll discover there is a force greater than life itself. A force far greater than Dan Goldin or Hillary Clinton.

Princess: You're the last line of defense between good and evil in the galaxy, the last best hope for humanity. Help me Obi-Wan Georgeabbey, you're my only hope.

Senator: "Oui, Oui I'm not afraid"

Scene 5

Narrator: And the finale you've all heard about... the culmination of years of work, the incredible, explosive climax between Emperor Clinton and Princess Monica Layme...

Censor: No, wait, this is a family cookoff, you can't have people climaxing in public.

Narrator: See the Phantom Dragonfly, Star Wars Episode whatever is the number- you'll still pay the big bucks for a George Lucas sequel even if it means camping out in a ticket line for several months. This low budget but highly tasteful Surfin Chili is sure to please. Phantom Dragonfly, Star Wars Episode 2A.4 is not yet rated or you won't want to see it.

What we can show of the grand finale is this: [insert Surfin Cheer]

cast (in order of appearance):

Narrator: Robin Bass
Emperor Clinton:
Darth Gore:
Senator Bunsenburner: Lee Coggins
Princess Monica Layme: Sally Jurgens
Shep Spacewalker:
John Glenn Solo: John McKenna
Yo-Gene Da-Kranz: Michael Grabois
Censor: Michael Grabois

Comments? Suggestions? Send 'em to me at WizardImps@hotmail.com